The Opposite of Suicide is Belonging
The Opposite of Suicide is Belonging
By Dr. Hasti Raveau, PhD, LP
Founder & CEO
This past Saturday, I stood on a stage at the Out of the Darkness Metro Detroit suicide awareness walk as Channel 7 anchor Mike Duffy read aloud about my brother’s story. My family and amazing Mala team members were there too. We stood together because what happened to my brother and my family is what we are working every day to prevent from happening to others.
We then walked. And when I came home, I felt the biggest emotional hangover, exhausted by grief and humbled by the sight of so many people standing with me. That night my family celebrated my step-father turning 60 years old. I thought it was ironic how the day began, and how it ended.
Just days earlier, our government released a statement linking Tylenol and vaccines to autism, framing autism in ways that felt deeply painful for many in our Mala community. The next day at work, I carried that heaviness with me. But following morning, Dr. Bardia Gholami (a psychiatrist at Mala and a father to an autistic child) and I were invited to Fox News 2 Detroit by Brandon Hudson to speak on the facts: vaccines and Tylenol do not cause autism. What parents need instead is truth, support, and relief from fear and shame.
While our recording was happening, the Dallas shooting happened. Today, another shooting at a church in Grand Rapids. It is so easy, in times like these, for our hearts to close.
To be honest, I felt guilty that my family and coworkers gave up a Saturday to walk with me. I felt unworthy, like a burden. But I pushed through that feeling and chose to receive the love anyway. I reminded myself: “The opposite of suicide is not life, but belonging, community, interconnectedness.” Yet here I was, tempted to walk the path alone.
Dr. Melvin Morse once said, “So many of our society's problems—including the crisis in health care, death with dignity, the cult of greed which has bankrupted our economy, the national shame of homeless women and children—all stem from a lack of understanding that we are spiritual beings who are mutually dependent upon each other.”
On Wednesday, I was dependent on Dr. Gholami, who reminded me that I had wisdom to share and who dropped his own obligations to join me at the news station. On Saturday, I was dependent on my family and the Mala team to spread knowledge about the work we’re doing.
Today I was reflecting on how often we say, “I just need space,” or “I don’t have capacity right now,” as a way to run from our pain and allow our shadows to take over. Felicity Morgan writes, “Healing doesn’t happen when we escape the trigger. It happens when you stand in it and don’t tap out. It is done live—in our relationships, in the fight, in the moments we want to run, but we choose to stay.”
What if the trigger isn’t a loud event at all, but the quiet moment when we feel unworthy of love? When we feel like a burden? What if the healing is in opening our hearts to the light anyway? Suicide rates are significantly higher among neurodivergent individuals, and I can’t help but wonder how much of that pain and the desire to escape comes not from being neurodivergent itself, but from the loneliness of never feeling like they fit in and lacking a sense of belongingness.
Science supports this. Researchers at Brigham Young University found that social isolation and loneliness increase the risk of early death by 26–32%! That is a risk comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Conversely, strong social ties improve immune function, reduce stress hormones, and even lengthen telomeres, the protective ends of our DNA associated with healthy aging. In other words, belonging doesn’t just feel good. It keeps us alive.
Neuroscience also shows that when we experience safe connection, our ventral vagal complex (the “social engagement system” in the vagus nerve) calms our fight-or-flight response. Our heart rate variability improves, our cortisol drops, and our body literally moves from survival into healing. Opening our hearts to love is not just poetic, it’s literally a biological pathway to resilience.
So this week, as I hold my children a little closer and return to the work of guiding clients and families, I’m trying to remember: healing isn’t about walking alone. It’s about practicing the vulnerable art of belonging, of letting others in, of receiving love when we’re sure we don’t deserve it.
I don’t have all the answers. But I know this: every time we open our hearts a little wider to our families, our teams, our communities, we create a ripple effect of safety and hope. And in a world of grief and misinformation, that’s what keeps the light alive.
3 Powerful Practices
1. Practice Radical Receiving
At the Out of the Darkness Walk, my instinct was to feel guilty that my family and so many of my Mala teammates gave up their Saturday to walk with me. A part of me wanted to apologize or carry the grief alone. But instead, I had to pause, breathe, and let the love land. Receiving without apology honored both me and them, and reminded me that belonging means not walking alone.
Science tells us that when we accept support, we deepen trust and closeness. Gratitude and receiving care light up the brain’s reward centers, creating a sense of safety in connection.
2. Choose Presence Over Performance
When I stood on stage as Mike Duffy read my brother’s story, I felt messy, cracked open by grief. And when I sat beside Dr. Gholami at Fox 2 News, it was about showing up as two parents and providers telling the truth. Letting people see me as I really was, instead of who I thought I “should” be, allowed connection to grow.
Research shows that authenticity lowers shame and builds resilience. Being seen and accepted quiets the brain’s social pain circuits, reduces cortisol, and supports emotional regulation.
3. Create Micro-Moments of Connection
What carried me through this past week was the little moments. The hugs before the walk began, seeing my dad’s face in the crowd, the nod from Dr. Gholami before we went on air, the text “we’re in this fight and on this journey together” from Antoinette. These small gestures stitched me back into belonging when I felt like pulling away.
Studies have found that even brief moments of shared positive emotion—like eye contact or touch—activate the vagus nerve, improve heart rhythm, and boost long-term wellbeing.
The following psychotherapy providers have immediate openings for children, adults, couples, and families, and are ready to support you on your healing journey:
ANN ARBOR / VIRTUAL
Elena Chambers - All Ages, Individual & Families
Jill Jackson - All Ages
Kayla Szatkiewicz - All Ages, Individual & Families
Meret Flessenkamper - All Ages, Individual, Couples, & Families
Nicolas Jakowiec - All Ages, Individual, Couples, & Families
Shannon Jirous - All Ages, Individual & Families
Tanya Sharma - All Ages, Individual & Families
FARMINGTON HILLS / VIRTUAL
Brooklynn Wilton - All Ages, Individual, Couples, & Families
Kenny Montemayer - All Ages, Individual, Couples, & Families
PLYMOUTH / VIRTUAL
Antoinette Ulmer - All Ages, Individual, Couples, & Families
Caleb Bonno - All Ages
Doug Gardner - All Ages, Individual, Families, & Couples
Jelanie Bowie - All Ages, Individual, Families, & Couples
Philip Ognenovski - All Ages, Individual, Couples, & Families
VIRTUAL
Fatin Jafri - All Ages, Individual & Parent Coaching
We are beyond excited to celebrate Holly Stevens, who has officially achieved her full clinical license! This milestone is a reflection of years of hard work, dedication to the field of mental health, and a deep commitment to lifelong learning. If you know Holly, you know she pours her heart into everything she does and is such an integral part of our team.
At our Farmington Hills office, Holly supports kids, teens, and adults navigating anxiety, depression, trauma, neurodivergence, and more.
As part of our medication management team, she ensures that anyone seeking psychiatry services through Mala is met with warmth, understanding, and compassion from the very start
And in her new role as Clinical Training Coordinator, she’s supporting the next generation of clinicians with compassion and expertise.
If you have any questions concerning care at Mala or would like to reach out for another reason, we’d love to hear from you.
Until next time,
The Mala Child & Family Institute Team
